schrodingersnerd:

everythingisnightvale:

discontentramblings:

An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures

The show is called ‘All or Nothing’

Plot twist: the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.

image

my hand slipped

(via booksandwildthings)

234,473 notes

captainmjolnir:

People criticizing TFIOS because Gus sounds pretentious???

that was the point???

like literally at his fake funeral his best friend talks about how fucking pretentious he is and how annoying it was???

It was one of his character flaws? He was deliberately written that way?

You’re not being clever or critical by pointing it out, you are literally stating a fact about the novel that the author deliberately wrote

(Source: gameofbooze, via squidkitten)

32,316 notes

Joke of the day.

wanderoar:

roseonabeach:

frostedsammy:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”
“Oui.”
“Sí.”
“Ja.”

what

Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this

stupidest/most awesome joke ever

(Source: flyingscotsman, via jjusttlistenn)

242,225 notes

secretlifeofageekygirl:

thedragonflywarrior:

The head-turning Game of Thrones actress Gwendoline Christie is a towering 6ft 3in tall and admits she often felt she couldn’t relate to women on the big screen because of her Amazonian frame, but is now relishing the opportunity to play a tough, fierce warrior in the medieval fantasy drama.

She said: “It’s really vitally important to me the way women are portrayed. As someone who has always felt at times pretty genderless because of my size, it interests me to challenge ideas of prejudice and femininity, and what it is to be a woman.”

The towering actress reveals that she had numerous setbacks in her career before landing a prized role as Brienne of Tarth in the hit show, adding: “I found it so frustrating, particularly at the beginning, because I would be told, ‘Sorry love, you’re too tall.’ At one stage I was like, ‘I’ll give this another six months and if this persists, ‘I’ll become a nun.’ “

For her role as warrior Brienne, Gwendoline trained how to fight with swords and ride horses and says it’s “empowering” to know she can “break a man’s nose with my elbow.”

"I do all my own stunts and come away with bruises and scratches. After one scene I was absolutely covered in bruises all down one leg and up one arm. But it’s worth it. It’s quite fun. I enjoy knocking around with the boys."

I cannot get enough of this woman. She deserves all the awards.

She is really a role model for me, considering I’m only 3 inches shorter than her. TALL GIRLS RULE

(via notmybaconyoubitch)

21,066 notes

"If a writer falls in love with you, you can never die."

Unknown  (via electrise)

(via omgaidawtf)

481,415 notes

ho-ho-my-lad:

brobecks:

i like wearing lipstick because you leave marks on literally everything omg. kiss a boy’s cheek? my boy now. drink out of a cup? my cup forever. don’t even think about having coffee out of that thing. it’s like marking your territory

(via wayfaringfangirl)

171,875 notes

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
78,968 notes

found-liquorstore-and-drank-itt:

impalathief:

butts-are-wonderful:

laughfloor:

where’s the fucking rent

“Yes, hello, I’m from the FBI. I would like to ask you some questions about your daughter’s death.”

“But I already talked to the FBI.”

"i know. i just have a few more questions to ask you"

found-liquorstore-and-drank-itt:

impalathief:

butts-are-wonderful:

laughfloor:

where’s the fucking rent

“Yes, hello, I’m from the FBI. I would like to ask you some questions about your daughter’s death.”

“But I already talked to the FBI.”

"i know. i just have a few more questions to ask you"

(Source: aliceneedsadrink, via hockeydreamer)

183,393 notes

stoopidsarah:

Pacific Rim: Gag Reel vs. Movie 1/?

(via aglassfullofhappiness)

6,949 notes